Boredom

You might be wondering why I have all of a sudden returned to writing on my blog and have shared it with pretty much all my 'Facebook friends'. Essentially I wanted to keep a record of all my notes from a number of events, church services, thoughts etc. And if you're like me, there’s a shelf full of sermon notes and pretty much all it's doing is collecting dust... so I thought keeping a diary with me would solve the problem! The diary started out well (because as you know I like to keep things organised and neat) but I sometimes still had to write things on my lap because at things like conference events I would forget to bring it... so that didn't work. Then in 2018 I had the thought to type up a post, at first not a blog but something I could type and keep on my computer. Thank you TECHNOLOGY! Something technology is good and useful for!!

Anyways I wanted the 'blog' low-key because it was just a way I could store my notes & things I've felt personally from God etc. Another thought I had was that the things I noted down could also serve as a way to hopefully encourage other people. Two years on, I've now opened it publicly and I'm humbled to hear how many of you are encouraged! This is what I call partnership - even if I don't know many of my readers well, I'm sure there's been topics or thoughts where we've crossed paths. If you feel there are friends, family members or even neighbours that you feel like this is what they need to hear right now, free feel to share it with them! However, they need to give me a like and follow @HowPeopleChange on fb :)

Back to what I wanted to share this week: as you've read in the title, I want to share my thoughts and personal struggle with "Boredom". Boredom can be defined

as the state of being weary and restless though lack of interest.

Primarily, boredom is pretty much when you feel bored. For example, a lot of uni students can feel bored during the uni break because you're taking a break from your studies, having handed in your final assessment or finished that final exam. You now have 4 months of relaxation (However, a lot of universities are now implementing trimesters for a number of reasons, one being that productivity goes down since there is so much time where students can really feel the sense of boredom especially if they don't have a part-time/intern job). On the other hand, boredom could be a lack of interest career-wise, where perhaps a full time worker feels this sense of "what am I doing at this place" or "I could be using my skills and gifts somewhere else". You could feel a sense of discontentment when you are in a situation where your life is pretty ‘boring’, working the Mon-Fri grind, eating the same packed meal every single day (that's me the single life) and thinking why the weekend goes sooo fast.

However, boredom can also mean another thing, and this is where I want to share and delve into. Using the examples of the uni student and full time worker, when life can be mundane and can feel really small and insignificant - that's where I believe the devil is most at work. When you feel discontent, alone, cask away, bored.. our mindset looks for things that can bring temporary satisfaction.

Boredom can lead into two things: a wanting to escape, and/or it can feed our desires - in other words what the bible calls idolatry.

Before I address these things, I want to address the elephant in the room. How I would like to tackle this is to speak from the experience of my own struggles and hopefully as I address it you can see how even though I am not feeling this sense of boredom anymore it can always creep up again.

For me I have always struggled with two things in my life which have been an unhealthy habit, finding excuses to many problems such as dealing with relationships, and ultimately escaping from reality. My first personal struggle was my obsession with Dota 2. Speaking to all the males here reading this, I wouldn't say this impacted me at a young age, but I've always being involved in gaming, whether it was playing my first Nintendo 64 console when I was 8, to playing Call of Duty on the PS3, Super smash broz on the Wii U and later in my late high school days to uni days Dota 2. I mean there's no problem with playing all these games - they were fun, exciting, the cousins kicking and screaming at each other, my brother fighting over which controller to use and the list goes on. These were good things... However as I'm reminded from the bible and from Pastor Pete's famous sermon line, when good things turn into God things - that can be the danger. What do I mean by that?

Dota 2 (Defence of the Ancients, search it yourself if you have no idea what I'm talking about, mostly the females :P) was more than just a game, it was my whole life. Every morning and every night especially during my uni days I was playing non-stop. I would play 10-12 hours a day (giving a workout for my fingers day in and day out), ignoring responsibilities, friends and eventually my family. You have no idea the amount of battles I've had with my mum and dad. Mum if you're reading this, all along you were right and I had a sickness. I'm sorry! Anyways, I don't want to get into the details, but I'm sure all my gaming friends have experienced this, if not - I want your family! Just joking.... Dota 2 was an addiction. It wasn't just an escape from the real world (cause I know sometimes that is ok, I mean that's why people have social Friday night drinks, go clubbing etc) but because ultimately it was a temporary escape from my own reality; merely temporary satisfaction, temporary joy.

An excuse: Dota 2 would also be another excuse for me doing something productive on the weekend, and as both you and I know, it wasn't. I’ve written a previous post that these escaping tools would essentially put a hold on all my relationships, whether it would be catching up with uni friends, one to one with brothers at church or just spending my weekend talking with family.

Now.. it's taken almost 20 minutes of your time reading to get to elephant in the room (my own big struggles with boredom). Before you read on, please keep an open mind. But if any part makes you feel uncomfortable – please don't feel obligated to read what I've written, I won't get offended if you close this blog :/ you can leave now...

Before I write and spill out everything about my idolatry of lust and pornography.. ops spoilers.. I thought I'd share a few verses that I've felt have been eye opening for me finding the peace and contentment that I do have today.

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

-Proverbs 4:23 

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. 

-Colossians 3:5

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. 

-Proverbs 3:5-6

Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. 

-Psalm 37:4

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God".

-Matthew 5:8

It's almost now three weeks that I've haven't watched or thought about pornography and for me personally and I know for many males and even females, it is a huge milestone and I hope and pray to God daily it may be forever. I remember someone telling me about habitual or even mild addictions like smoking, doing drugs, watching pornography, any sort of habit: To ultimately get rid of it, it takes double of the amount of time that you spent starting that habit/addiction. For example, if you smoked for a year (not saying how many days/packets a day, just in general), it will take you two years to stop. You get my point.. Thinking about it now it’s almost been 10 years since I first started to wonder, crave, desire, investigate pornography. As I mentioned these moments are where the devil likes to be. It starts very subtle, you walk slowly to it, you look around if anyone is watching, you get enticed by the images and your feelings get aroused and before you know it, it's too late. And this was me... 10 years ago, I was enchained, under the control of sin.... However 10 years later, and now being able to open up about my struggle and to ultimately say ‘that's enough, you have no power!’ and to actually believe it, a huge burden and chain was gone and I could freely say to God, ‘You are enough’. In moments like this, these verses never spoke so real and alive to me. If you are personally struggling with porn, speak up, don't be afraid, take courage and ask God for help, because he is alive and hears our cry. Speak to him.

To end I want to share that ultimately these pleasures, these things that we do when we are bored, is rooted by what the bible calls idols. Shoutout to @BingCheah for linking this helpful article that deals with idolatry, which I will tie together with my struggle with pornography. But if it's not pornography, what are the idols currently in your life right now? It could be the love of money, your girlfriend/boyfriend, your spouse, your career, even your hobbies, etc. Food for thought: what is the one thing that you fear losing? I reckon that will reveal what you love most. Anyways the article is called "Idols of the heart and Vanity Fair" by David Powlison. To be honest, I didn't read the whole article, too deep and long, I just copied and pasted what I felt relevant to this blog. Is that plagiarism? David writes...

Idols define good and evil in ways contrary to God’s definitions.

Here are some helpful points that I've summarised that David speaks about idols

·       Who or what 'rules' my behaviour, the LORD or a substitute? The undesirable answer to this question informs our understanding of the 'idoltary' we are to avoid.

·       “Beloved children, keep yourselves from idols” (1 John 5:21).

John’s closing line leaves us with that most basic question which God continually poses to each human heart.

I was substituting these idols (Dota 2 and pornography) as god things, it was my response to say that these were better than God's Lordship. I chose to rebel and live according to what pleases me. But as you know these temporary things would always disappoint, it never brought true satisfaction, only temporary, and it brought guilt and shame. As I move on I pray daily for God's protection from the evil one and to always have my eyes fixed on the cross, because I know that only through the blood of Jesus I am free, made alive and have my sins wiped clean. 

“Beloved children, keep yourselves from idols” (1 John 5:21).

Amen.